In Touch With Sexologist Juliet Allen - Par Femme

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by BARE Sexology

Pluck a clever, peripherally observant, and beautiful woman from the world. Literally any part of the world—far or near, rich or rare, physical or internet. A skyward follower count is not a determinant for selection. Ask her a set of questions that invite a discussion of sexuality, sensuality, modern feminism, career, and creativity, explored through her very personal lens. Have her answer them. And there you have it: that’s In Touch, a Par Femme segment, assembled, for you, with pleasure.

Sex/relationships coach and sexologist, Juliet Allen, is a “free sexual” (labels don't feel right when it comes to sexuality) who encourages women and men to experience ecstatic sex by themselves and with others. An entrepreneur, mother, and partner, Juliet talks tantric sex, building deep connections, and cultivating sensuality with Par Femme.

What is sexology?
Sexology, for me, [means] empowering and educating people to have healthier, happier, free sex lives, for their entire lives. I work one-on-one with people as a coach and run workshops that bring people together to learn about ecstatic sex and healthy relationships with themselves and with others.

You split your work between seeing clients, working with brands, and running workshops. How do you find time for your own sensuality?
Oh, I find plenty of time for that! I don't conform to the mentality of that working hard equals success. I plan my work around the lifestyle I lead and love. I don't work Mondays or Fridays and only spend two days a week working with clients. Also, I have an assistant who helps me with admin and emails. My sensuality and sex life is a high priority, and that and motherhood always come first.

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What's 'normal' when it comes to sex?
There is no “normal!” Seriously. There isn't. Sex is so unique to the individual, as is our sexuality. What one person thinks is normal can be very not-normal for another person. So, really, I can only speak from my personal experience of normal. Normal for me is sex every day, morning and night. Normal for me is alternating between lovemaking, quick sex, very rough sex, dirty sex, and, of course, sex with myself.

Is there anything women can do to boost their libido?
Yes! Firstly, choose to eat organic food and avoid processed foods. Exercise regularly and have fun doing it. Drink lots of purified water—not tap water, because it's full of bad stuff. Add Maca root into your smoothies, or take it in a capsule. Maca is known as nature’s Viagra and is a superfood from the Amazon. I swear by it.

What turns you on?
Good question. [The] presence of my partner turns me on a lot. Like, really deep presence and quality time. When it comes to sex, I'm turned on by many, many things, but, in general, I enjoy being dominated and controlled in the bedroom. My partner and I have been exploring Shibari, which is the ancient art of Japanese rope-tying. Google it!

Many women consider not having an orgasm as being dysfunctional, especially when they can come from clitoral stimulation, say with a vibrator, but not internal stimulation. What are your thoughts?
I definitely wouldn't call coming with a vibrator a dysfunction! That's just one way women are experiencing orgasm, and it’s completely normal to only come with clitoral stimulation. Lots of women do this simply because they don't know any other way. In general, though, I see orgasm and experience orgasm as an energy that's always present in our body. From before we are born, orgasmic energy is our life force energy. Every woman has the ability to experience orgasm—sometimes we just need a little coaching or support to experience it.

How can women make room for masturbation?
By prioritising it, just like we prioritise sex if that's what's important to us.

Tantric sex allows a deeper connection between sexual partners. Can you tell us more about it?
Tantra is choosing—with awareness—what brings us joy, including choosing sexual partners who bring us joy. Tantra is about presence, conscious touch, and deep, profound intimacy. Tantra changed my life. I began integrating the ancient teachings of Tantra into sex, along with integrating it into everyday life and parenting. It allows me to have deeper connections and intimacy with all the people in my life, not just my lovers.

There’s often a seismic shift in our sex lives when we go between being single and being in a relationship. We get into a groove, knowing what the other wants, and spontaneity can dissipate, but sensuality can fluctuate depending on anything from our hormones to the time of day. How can long-term couples “reignite the fire?”
Couples need to prioritise themselves first! Make [a point] to spend time together, doing stuff you love and filling your own cups. When we can fill our own cups, we can then come together with our partner and feel complete, which leads to us having more energy to be present with them, and more energy to make love. Another thing that is equally as important is establishing that sex is a priority to both of you, and, if it is, making time for it on a regular basis.

“Par Femme” translates to “by woman.” As a mother to a beautiful young woman, what lessons will you teach her about sensuality, sex, and being female?
I've been teaching her lessons about this since she was very young. She's 11 now, and I believe the best way to teach her about sensuality and sex is [for me to be] an empowered sexual woman and give her a healthy transmission of what that looks like and the energy of that. Children learn simply by observing. She observes me prioritising sex, she sees me being affectionate with my partner, she sees me reading books about sex. She’s growing up with a mother that makes it a very normal, natural, and healthy part of life. When I talk to her about it, I talk about respect, love, making sure that, when she one day chooses to share herself with another sexually, she has checked in with the four centres in her body and answers “yes” to all four. I speak a lot about this in my eBook and podcasts.

We see you posting a lot of beautiful, sensual art on Instagram. Does art inspire you?
I’ve always been super creative. I spent most of high school in the art room creating and painting. So yes, art inspires me a lot, which is why I enjoy using sensual art on my page.

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Read In Touch With Double Disco's Ana Ifould.

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