Ever wanted to know why that thing happens when you're doing the thing? Want to know how to use toys with your partner and achieve orgasm equity? Got a case of isolation blues and find your libido is suffering? Georgia Grace is here to help. The sex educator will be answering your questions live on the Par Femme Instagram next Wednesday at 9pm AEST. Get to know Georgia first before you send in your questions. (And check out Georgia on Instagram for an announcement about her next course.)
Par Femme: Hi! Can you give us the Georgia Grace elevator pitch? (i.e. who are you and what do you do?)
Georgia Grace: I’m a certified coach, writer and pleasure activist. I inform and empower people to enjoy their body (and others).
Your mission is to change the way we speak about sex. Can you tell us how you decided to make this your mission? Was there a moment you realised that the way we talk about sex was a problem?
I’ve always been a sexually curious person, but when I was younger, I couldn’t find answers to my questions around pleasure, orgasm, relationships etc. I was also constantly hearing stories of bad sex (ranging from unfulfilling or boring to traumatic). I wanted to be a part of the sexual revolution that changed this.
How important is female empowerment when it comes to the way we speak about sex? Has your understanding of female empowerment evolved over time?
It’s vital. People need to feel empowered in their bodies and their experiences in order to ‘enjoy’ sex. Simple but powerful practices of asking for what you want, voicing desires, saying no, saying yes.
Why is there (still) so much shame around female pleasure? How far has the conversation progressed, and how far do we still have to go?
The countless systems that suppress pleasure for women: censorship, policy, lack of education, lack of research.
What have you learned from consulting with people about their sex lives? Have you had any surprises?
Everyone wants to feel ‘normal’ when it comes to sex: are they having sex enough? Too much? Are their genitals normal, is their libido normal? Why do they have certain fantasies? or want to do specific things? Why is their body responding in unexpected ways?
What’s the most common problem people come to you with?
Libido, desire, arousal, relationships and orgasm.
What has been the most rewarding aspect of doing the work you do? And, the most challenging?
Supporting people in work that is radical, personal and important. The most challenging aspect is working in a space that is so regulated by shame and taboo.
Why is self-pleasure so important?
Masturbation not only feels good, it is good for you: it supports stress relief, helps you sleep, boosts your libido, supports connection with others and oh so much more. It’s remarkable that self-pleasure is still taboo considering all the health benefits that come with masturbation. And these benefits aren’t limited to your sexual health.
How can women prioritise self-pleasure at every stage of life (as teenagers, during pregnancy, post-partum, during and post menopause etc)?
It’s a practice and sometimes it requires scheduling and committing to that. If you’re new to self-pleasure, or not necessarily ‘interested’ in genital stimulation, start with simple acts of pleasure, allowing yourself to feel good, like savouring self-touch as you moisturise, or spending a few mindful moments as the shower drips down your body, sensually eating chocolate. When you expand your idea of self-pleasure, you can invite multiple moments of pleasure each day. I wrote a book about self pleasure, Pleasure Journal, supporting women in a step-by-step process of prioritising their body.
What does sensuality mean to you?
Sensuality is an active process, it's in the way I move, eat, touch.For me it’s the mindful enjoyment and expression of pleasure.
Many women consider not having an orgasm as being dysfunctional, especially those who have never reached orgasm, be it with partnered sex, masturbation, or with the help of a vibrator—either from clitoral or internal stimulation. What are your thoughts?
You’re not broken, and there’s nothing wrong with you. There could be a few reasons why you’re not experiencing orgasm. If you’re reading and you relate to this — it’s impossible to suggest why this is for you as there are many factors: emotional, psychological, physical, anatomical, education, current medication and/or contraception.The majority of women need clitorial stimulation to orgasm, and most aren’t getting enough of it. It can also take anywhere up to 20-40 minutes to be fully physiologically aroused, and many women aren’t fully aroused when they’re having sex. When I support women who think they’re dysfunctional, we take orgasm off the cards (may sound counter intuitive) but reaching climax has become so stressful that they’re enjoying the process, stuck in their head and goal driven — which is not a recipe for orgasm.
What turns you on?
A lot actually, I have really sensitive accelerators, but off the top of my head: Communication, humour, anticipation, playfulness, vulnerability, openness, empathy and strong hands.
What do you wish you learned about in sex education during school?
Everything I know now, but three main things:
What sex or relationship advice would you give your teenage self?
Enjoy your body.
Got a question about sex? Click here or fill in the form below to ask yours. Join us and Georgia on Instagram Live at @parfemme at 9pm AEST on Wednesday 6 May to get down to the nitty gritty.