Every Star Sign’s Sexual Quirks and How to Deal with Them - Par Femme

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by Tabitha Laffernis

We’ve all had to work out some kinks in the bedroom—and I’m not talking about the good kind. One way to find inspiration? Look to the stars. While we know that every sign is complex and there’s no joy in sweeping generalisations, here are a few ways to decode what your lovers want.

Feel free to borrow from other signs, too. After all, there’s nothing sexier than open communication, mutual respect and experimentation.

Famously hot-blooded with an idealistic streak, an Aries will always fight your battles with you. In the bedroom, this translates to quick and dirty. Passionate, impatient, and not always thoughtful, we’d encourage some extra communication if you’re trying to keep something going over the long term. And yes, communicating with your genitals counts. Especially in sneaky places, clothes still half-on.

Try: Svakom Daisy Bullet Vibrator

In a world of short attention spans, the Taurus is an attentive diamond in the rough. Take your time, break out the massage oils, look each other in the eye, put on some Barry White. Break out the toys, too. If, on the other hand, you’re not into being tethered (unless, you know, literally), maybe set your sights elsewhere—Taureans can get possessive.

Try: ON Hemp Arousal Oil

Yes, yes, they’re two-faced, erratic, and arrogant. But enough about my ex. Other, better Geminis love hushed tones and cheeky wordplay, so start brushing up the dirty talk. A few jokes won’t go astray, either. It’s all in the details, so play around with your positions, and keep things light-hearted, even when it gets serious.

Try: Je Joue Uma G-Spot Vibrator

The Zodiac’s empaths aren’t the first picks for one night you’ll never forget. If you’re not the type to conflate sex with intimacy, steer clear of Cancerians—things will get serious way too quickly. But if it’s a connection you want, stick around. To seduce a Crab, turn the lights down, talk about your childhood and set your intentions with every touch.

Try: We-Vibe Match Couples Vibrator

A Leo’s love language is attention, and not always in the obvious way. It’s the big things and the little things, the public gestures of affection and the furtive touches when nobody’s looking. Leos tend to dominate, so if you find yourself a little ambivalent or passive, they might be just the tonic you need.

Try: We-Vibe Moxie Wearable Vibrator

Scrub up—perfectionist Virgos get dirty while staying clean. Get sudsy in the shower, and be prepared for technical finesse and a get-things-done attitude. Virgos know what they’re doing, and when they’re comfortable with you, they’ll get experimental. The only catch? It might take a while to get them to that point.

Try: Dame Eva II Hands-Free Clitoral Vibrator

Playful, game, sensual. This is how I, a Libra, like to think of myself. I also like reading too far into DMs, people who know how to order wine, and coming out of everything with a story. Other Libra things: we give what we get, and vice versa. We’re ruled by Venus, like Taurus, and like Taureans we love to engage all the senses. We like to feel like we’re the only person you’ve ever wanted. We love to experiment. We flirt with EVERYONE. Unfortunately, we’re also manipulative people pleasers, which means nipping things in the bud isn’t always our strong suit. But let’s get a drink soon anyway, okay? 

Try: Dame Alu 4oz Lubricant

These messy bitches who live for drama are bold, seductive, with a kinky streak. Scorpios aren’t just physical: they’re emotionally switched on, and they know how to use it. Do you have the time and energy for something intense, sexually volcanic, and emotionally draining? Call a Scorpio. Are you a functional adult? Call anybody else.

Try: Svakom Alice G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

Equal parts physical and intellectual, Sagittarians like to get steamy by embracing variety. Keep them turned on with new experiences, sexual or otherwise. Sagittarians also love exploration, so routines are antithetical to who they are. Get on the horse.

Try: We-Vibe Ditto Butt Plug

Are you open to plotting your sex life on a spreadsheet? Get yourself a Capricorn. Despite their knack for planning and rigidity, Capricorns are the surprise sign of the sexual zodiac. They’re committed and determined, and as we all know by now, effort is everything. Get them out of their heads, and you’ll see their freak flags fly.

Try: Velvetine Tia Massager

Think of Aquarians as Fellini: abstract, inventive, unconventional (incidentally, Fellini was an Aquarius, which I just discovered upon Googling). They’re exciting, and know how to keep things fresh. They’re also in it for the long haul, which is making me wonder: why have I never dated an Aquarian?

Try: Svakom Nymph Vibrator

Pisceans are sensitive souls with vivid imaginations. Play out your fantasies with your Piscean partners: you’ll be rewarded with heavy breathing, spiritual connection and boundless generosity. You’ll have to tread carefully, though—Pisceans are easily bruised, so asking them for what you want isn’t easy. But it’s probably worth it.

Try: We-Vibe Touch II Massager

Sources: Google; group chat anecdotes; bitchy horoscope meme accounts.

Tabitha Laffernis is a writer based in Sydney, Australia. Her short fiction has been published in Flapperhouse, Hobart, and Gigantic Sequins. You can keep tabs on her work here.

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